Grieving What Could Have Been: A Ceremony of Release at Mt. Shasta

Grieving What Could Have Been: A Ceremony of Release at Mt. Shasta

Gavin and I hiked to the sacred springs at South Gate on Mt. Shasta, where I gave myself the space to perform something deeply personal: A Grieving What Could Have Been Ceremony.

In the presence of ancient trees and streaming spring water, I let myself wander through the alternate lives I never lived.
The “what ifs” that still tug at the corners of memory.

What if I went to a different college?
What if I had stepped into leadership at a younger age?
What if I didn’t sell my first home?

These questions were asked out of curiosity—from that very human place of longing and wondering.

I let my possible lives be seen... at least my version of them!
I wrote them out or visualized an outcome.
I allowed the fantasy to play on the page of my journal, and I noticed multiple potentials come forth.

There were some tears and gentle remorse.
And there was gold harvested—wisdom, compassion, insight.

I could see into the deeper experiences I still long for. I saw themes of expression emerge - music, athletics, gardens, and beauty in all her forms.

And as I wrote, I didn’t let my inner critic take over. The one that might say, You should’ve known better. Instead, I led with a higher awareness—my witness self—who held space and honored the sadness while celebrating the woman I’ve become because of these very choices.

When I felt complete (at least for now), I stepped into the brook. I doused myself in it, letting cold glacier water wash over me—pure renewal—water whispering of movement and change. Water doesn’t cling—it flows. Water changes form.

The grief of unlived lives felt honored, acknowledged, and liberated from hidden and forbidden areas of my mind. And I felt more here—more in this body, more with this life.

How to Lead Your Own "Grieving What Could Have Been" Ceremony

If you’ve ever carried “what ifs” in your heart—paths not taken, dreams deferred, or alternate lives imagined—this simple but powerful ceremony can help bring peace and perspective.

Here’s a gentle process to guide you:

Create a Sacred Space

Choose a location that feels safe and meaningful—somewhere in nature, your home altar, or anywhere you can be uninterrupted for 30–60 minutes. Bring your journal, a pen, and (if possible) water: a stream, a bath, or even a bowl of water can become part of the ritual.

Name the Unlived Lives

Start writing the “what ifs.”
Let them spill out freely:

What if I pursued that career path?
What if I left the relationship sooner—or stayed longer?
What if I said yes to that opportunity?

Give yourself permission to explore the fantasies, potentials, and dreams unmaterialized. Let the longings have a voice without editing or judging them.

Feel the Feelings

Notice what emotions arise. There may be sorrow, longing, regret—or even relief. There may be laughter and joy. Let your feelings move through your body. Cry if needed. Breathe through the discomfort. This is your moment of release.

Cleanse and Close

If you’re near water, step into it and let it wash over you. If you’re at home, sprinkle water on your body, wash your hands, or take a symbolic sip. Feel the water reminding you that life is always changing, flowing, and evolving.

Thank the unlived lives for what they’ve taught you. Release them.

Journal any insights gained .... And return gently to the life that is.

🌀 Final Reflections

Here’s the tender truth I came home with:

I don’t actually know what would have happened had I made a different choice. That other life might have looked easier, shinier, or more aligned in our imagination—but it, too, would have come with its own unknowns and challenges.

I make choices based on the consciousness I hold at the time—whether rooted in fear, love, self-doubt, survival, or clarity. My outer circumstances reflect the inner state I was navigating, and that, in itself, is sacred.

The consequence is my friend.

It’s easy to romanticize the lives I didn’t live. But the real treasure lies in what I did live through—the lessons I earned, the awareness I grew into, and the grace I gained along the way.

When I leave this Earth School, I don’t carry the job titles, real estate, or social achievements into the next realm.

I carry the shifts in my soul growth.
The wisdom I’ve earned.
The love I’ve allowed.

Every path—lived or unlived—has served your becoming.

And maybe the greatest gift you can offer yourself is presence with the life you are living now.

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