Triggers are Your Path to Freedom

 The instructor you’ve been waiting for is standing right in front of you—it is the person or the event you are most reactive to.

As Shawn Mashie, developer of “The Symmetry of Happiness Theory,” puts it, 

“Whatever is upsetting you is actually holding your path to peace—100 percent of the time. The shift from pain to peace does not have to be random guesswork, and it does not require a lifetime of hard work."

When we are in a difficult situation and ask, “What is the lesson here?” we’ll find a profound answer. 

We can use the trigger to partake in an honest exploration of our inner landscape. Triggers can catalyze our personal growth, and life can take a positive turn.

An African proverb reminds us, “Smooth seas do not make skillful sailors.”

Our triggers hold the answers. If something upsets you, there is unfinished business inside you that wants your attention. 

Our emotions will reveal where we are wavering, where we are charged, and, therefore, where we are ready to evolve. Triggers point to the specific areas where we want healing.

So, what do I mean by a “trigger?” 

A trigger is any input that stirs you up inside and sets off a reaction. 

A fear trigger might create mild butterflies in the stomach, heart palpitations, or agonizing gut-wrenching pain. Depending on you and the situation at hand, a trigger might crank up your anxiety or insecurity, ignite your anger, or send you into an emotional tailspin. Triggers might also intensify sadness or feed an illusion of loneliness. 

Triggers are like a lid on a pressure tap that was opened, and the feelings bottled up inside fizz up and spill over. 

A trigger is a button that, when pushed, ignites an outpouring of feelings.

My dad tells the story of a conversation with my mom, his wife. 

He said something. 

She got angry and exploded, “Why do you always push my buttons?” 

His response was, “I may push them, but I didn’t install them.” 

What does a trigger look like? 

A trigger might be a passing comment, a complaint aimed at you, a perceived criticism about something you did wrong (or something you did not do that you should have), or it might be a public insult or rejection. 

Let’s say your friend comments that your outfit is inappropriate for the occasion. Well, if you are insecure about how you look, that small comment can set you off into a rage and result in a rude reaction, or it might be internalized, leading you to stew in self-doubt and self-condemnation. Either way, the “I’m not attractive” trigger button has been pushed.

Any time we have an insecurity, we are vulnerable to a real or imagined attack. 

If we don’t disclose our sensitive spots to the people we trust in our lives, they might poke at them without meaning, too. When we are ultra-sensitive to a particular childhood wound, we get triggered even by light-hearted, minor comments. We sometimes misinterpret reality.

A trigger can also be less personal or relational. 

The storyline of a book or movie might trigger you. Let’s say you see a would-be heroine make a terrible mistake in love, which reminds you of how you blew it in your last relationship, thus triggering regret or self-loathing. 

Or let’s say you hear a song on the radio and you flash back to your high school prom, when the love of your life left you and broke your heart. Inadvertent triggers cause hurt, just as much as direct ones, when they hit your sore spots—your unresolved issues.

Triggers show you where you need to grow and where lessons can be learned. 

What triggers you? 

What bothers you about others? 

What gets you unexpectedly angry, frustrated, or overwhelmed? 

These observations become your very own training grounds for personal evolution and emotional awareness.

Once you notice what sets you off the most and identify the themes, you stop blaming others or the circumstances around you and take responsibility for your growth. At your best, you see that every trigger is gifting you with a prescription for freedom. 

This does not mean you put up with abuse or excessive criticism from others. Not at all. Speak up or get out if you are being treated aggressively or being exploited in any way. That is inner-honoring. You deserve love.

When you are in supportive relationships, you have a choice to use triggers to grow together. 

You can share your trigger spots with the people you love so that they can help you heal them. Gavin and I share our emotional pain points (our buttons and triggers).

For example, I know that any comment I make suggesting Gavin is not contributing enough is like stepping on a broken toe; it hurts like nobody’s business. And he knows that the slightest indication that my belly is bloated can rile me up into a fit. We are careful in these sacred areas of past pain. 

We affirm our care for each other and give each other room to grow. I appreciate how Gavin contributes, and he admires my belly. Over time, we heal: Gavin feels like he is giving and worthy, and I feel loved for who I am, not how I look.

As you find the lessons within the triggers, you heal your pain. 

You realize that your reactivity comes from an old wound—likely a pattern that extends back into your childhood. 

As the empowered, self-aware, soulful you, you have a choice when you are triggered.

• Do you react? Or do you pause to find a peaceful response?
• Do you take note and choose to go deeper, beyond the trigger, to find the root of the pain—the fearful parts of you that try to defend their position?
• Do you let yourself feel the pain, and do you release it?

When you let go (be it through healing work, emotional release, journalling, or somatic presencing), you de-charge yourself of the pain. 

Over time, when your old triggers reappear, you won’t feel activated. 

The painful emotional charge that propelled the hurtful retaliations will have been defused.

Are you ready to welcome your triggers?

Eckhart Tolle reminds us, 

“Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at the moment.”